Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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