Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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