Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
