Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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