Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
