Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
