you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
