So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
