UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
