i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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