Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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