So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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