Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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