It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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