Got a toothbrush?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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