watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
