O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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