just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
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Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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