maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
