I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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