The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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