I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
