the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
