After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
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The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
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Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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