My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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