is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
