Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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