'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
