u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
