Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize