I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
