He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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