i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
as a side note pls kill me
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