wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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