youre lurking in front of me
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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