Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
