just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
