I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
