You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
