I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
