i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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