You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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