How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
