Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
