Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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