Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
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Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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