I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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