I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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