So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
