If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
