its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
