he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
