i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
