Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
