He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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