My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
