omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
True strength comes from lack of pants
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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