my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
