a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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