You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
