I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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