Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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