6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
