I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
