Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize
