I met the friendliest cop last night
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
as a side note pls kill me
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
