What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
