Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
