dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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