She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Randomize
