The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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