he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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