like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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