y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
