Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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