Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
