i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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