I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
