RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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