this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
