There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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