I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
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all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
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Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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