Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
there was a trapeze. enough said
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
