No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
