Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
