I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize